Mirage
by NinthFeather
Summary: "Syaoran-kun and I are only clones, only mirages that resemble the originals but can never truly be them..." Set in the Infinity arc and based on the song "Mirage" by Loveholic. Rated for angst.


_A/N: This fic is basically Sakura's internal monologue. It takes place on Infinity, on the night when Sakura told Fai about how confused she was about the Syaorans. The fic goes on the premise that she was acting more confused than she was to distract him from her plans to change the future and go after CloneSyaoran. (By the way, this fic has spoilers for the later parts of the manga, up to the confrontation in dreams between the Syaorans. Please do not read it unless you have read the manga up to that point. The third paragraph will confuse the heck out of you otherwise.) It was inspired by the song "Mirage" ("Shinkirou" in Japanese) by the Korean group Loveholic, which was used as the ending theme for the _Black Blood Brothers _anime._

"_**So tell me… tell me… the reason why…How can you do this to me?You break my heart…And you make me cry…"**_

**-"Mirage" (Shinkirou) by Loveholic**

Mirage

Fai left a few minutes ago. The room is dark and silent now. I'm alone.

Not that that's any different from when Fai was here. Fai is…precious to me, but he isn't…him.

The other one isn't, either. The "real" Syaoran…I wonder if he's realized yet. That I'm not the "real" Sakura.

What is "real", anyway? The memories I have are real. So are my feelings. And if my memories and feelings are real, then, as far as I'm concerned, I'm as "real" as the original.

So is everything I know now. The dream I had was terrifying. It cannot be allowed to happen. Even now, my leg aches, a reminder of the price I paid to prevent it. And even that, and my luck, were not enough to truly guarantee that what I wanted to happen would come to pass.

But it must! For the sake of Syaoran-kun, of my Syaoran. I have to find him. If I can, I want to find him before the Syaoran who is with us now does.

That Syaoran sees the other as nothing but a threat that must be eliminated. He wants so badly to protect me that he can't even see that I don't want his protection. Not from my Syaoran-kun.

Even now that he's lost the piece of his soul that returned to the Syaoran who is with us now, I know that there's still something within him. The Syaoran-kun that I fell in love with is not gone. I will bring him back.

My heart broke on that day, when he left me to search for my feathers. It was the cruelest thing he could have done. His eyes were as cold as stone as he held me in his arms. Under other circumstances, I would have been thrilled for him to hold me that way. But then he returned my feather and abandoned me to sleep. He didn't even bother to say goodbye. But still…!

Maybe I'm being selfish, but I've decided on this path. The scars he received, the sacrifices he made, the pain he felt while fighting for my lost memories…I've decided to return the favor, and endure whatever I have to for his sake.

That night in Tokyo, the acid rain falling in sheets, the rocks scraping at my skin-that was nothing compared to what he had done for me. My hands bled as I climbed the cliff. He bled, too, many times on our journey. The pain of that night was worth it-both to save Fai, and to begin to atone for Syaoran-kun's actions.

When he left Tokyo, Syaoran-kun hurt me more than I thought any person ever could. I wanted to ask him why, to understand what I had done to deserve this. It took me a while to realize that it didn't matter. Syaoran-kun is the most important person to me. He is the one I love. No matter what he does, that isn't going to change.

The night air here in Infinity is heavy. It feels as though it might storm soon. I wonder if we'll still be here, together, when that storm comes.

Part of me wants to apologize for the selfish thing I'm about to do. I know Fai will be hurt by what's about to happen. Kurogane will be angry. Mokona might cry, so I'm glad I won't be here. Kurogane told me that Mokona cried in Tokyo, while I was sleeping. I think if I had seen that I would have cried too.

I feel the worst about what this will do to the original Syaoran. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know I'm not the original. He was watching our entire journey through Syaoran-kun's eyes, and he already had to watch me lose my memories in the ruins, without being able to do a single thing. He won't be able to interfere this time, either, and I know he'll be frustrated. I hope that he finds the original Sakura soon, and that they can be happy together. I hope that things will be easier for them than they were for me and my Syaron-kun.

Syaoran-kun and I are only clones, only mirages that resemble the originals but can never truly be them. And yet, our feelings are real. I have to hope that that will be enough.


End file.
